my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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