i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
