That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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