Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
