i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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