every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
