Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
