This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
