i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
