come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
