call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
