covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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