The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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