new low.... made out with someone while peeing
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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