Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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