Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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