listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
