Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just gift wrapped bread.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
