fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
