He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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