tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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