That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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