i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize