I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
