porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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