What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize