Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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