You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
