the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
