I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
