Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
