**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
