If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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