I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
