Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
