I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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