you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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