I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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