watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You left your underwear on the fireplace
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize