I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
