she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
