he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
