if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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