Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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