Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
