So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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