is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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