Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
