my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
