these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I CAN MOONWALK!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
