Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize