In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
no, he came in my armpit
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
