You can't motorboat a personality
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
