Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Little spoons don't ask big questions
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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