I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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