what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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