please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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