Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
