I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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