someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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