No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
