I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
