I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize