like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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