Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
