Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
