And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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