Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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