I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
