just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is classic penis vs brain.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
