Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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