the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
