and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
