I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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