Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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