Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize