I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drake has all the answers
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
