I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
