I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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