I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
