she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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