I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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