Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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