I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
