The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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