If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
