Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize