I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
