Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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