i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
