dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize