It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
