Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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