sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
