I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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