her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
