If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
