I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize