Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
