Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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