I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
