Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
