your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
