i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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