only you would photoshop your dick
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
