I wanna bring you to show and tell
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize